i was scammed. it’s personal, love is always personal.
i did genuinely fall for a guy i met online, at least that’s what i felt, falling in love. everything tells me that’s too good to be true, and yet, i dived into it whole heartedly. for once, i thought, i need to be brave and enjoy the moment. i felt awesome with this guy, everything was sweet and loved, and looked forward to a new day. then, bubble bursted and it’s just a scam. compared to other cases i read, mine is not even a case, i didn’t lose any money but a heartache. i told myself i have to move on, go to sleep, go workout, go to work, meet friends, and live a normal life. honestly, my mind went blain ever since. whenever i try to think, i found myself rerunning every details of this affair. it hurt when seeing things remind me of him or what we have discussed.
why am i so blind? i ask myself every time. no, i am not blind, i simply ignored the signs.
interesting thing when people are emotionally involved with someone, their intuition towards this person will be heighten. there is no gender different in this, women is more vocal about it and men tend to keep it to themselves, that’s all. anyhow, most of time this gut feelings are right. i don’t believe of 6 sense but i do believe it’s because our focus is on this love interest. our inner Sherlock is at work, every moves, every senses, every voices, every reactions, every words, are for us to read and to analysis if this person for real, if they are interested, what’s they like, what’s they really like, what’s else behind them… etc. we weight the pros and cons, and decide what next.
problem is, i saw the cons, sensed the odds, even questioned them, and still i chose to ignore. why? i didn’t want to know. it’s a very childish act from where i came from. but i let myself to be naive. in a sense, i am tired to act mature.
I went to have tarot card reading once for this “amazing” guy, it said it is a journey for me to “surrender” – let go the urge to control, “learn” – to embrace and compromise and “change” – through what I learned. It meant to be a fascinating journey if this guy is real. i shall take this as a lesson to think about how to balance my intuition and enjoy the moment. it’s a hard lesson, hope it is the last and only.