love scam

i was scammed. it’s personal, love is always personal.

Image result for love scam

image copied fr cnn.com

i did genuinely fall for a guy i met online, at least that’s what i felt, falling in love. everything tells me that’s too good to be true, and yet, i dived into it whole heartedly. for once, i thought, i need to be brave and enjoy the moment. i felt awesome with this guy, everything was sweet and loved, and looked forward to a new day. then, bubble bursted and it’s just a scam. compared to other cases i read, mine is not even a case, i didn’t lose any money but a heartache. i told myself i have to move on, go to sleep, go workout, go to work, meet friends, and live a normal life. honestly, my mind went blain ever since. whenever i try to think, i found myself rerunning every details of this affair. it hurt when seeing things remind me of him or what we have discussed.

why am i so blind? i ask myself every time. no, i am not blind, i simply ignored the signs.

interesting thing when people are emotionally involved with someone, their intuition towards this person will be heighten. there is no gender different in this, women is more vocal about it and men tend to keep it to themselves, that’s all.  anyhow, most of time this gut feelings are right. i don’t believe of 6 sense but i do believe it’s because our focus is on this love interest.  our inner Sherlock is at work, every moves, every senses, every voices, every reactions, every words, are for us to read and to analysis if this person for real, if they are interested, what’s they like, what’s they really like, what’s else behind them… etc. we weight the pros and cons, and decide what next.

problem is, i saw the cons, sensed the odds, even questioned them, and still i chose to ignore. why? i didn’t want to know. it’s a very childish act from where i came from. but i let myself to be naive. in a sense, i am tired to act mature.

I went to have tarot card reading once for this “amazing” guy, it said it is a journey for me to “surrender” – let go the urge to control, “learn” – to embrace and compromise and “change” – through what I learned. It meant to be a fascinating journey if this guy is real. i shall take this as a lesson to think about how to balance my intuition and enjoy the moment. it’s a hard lesson, hope it is the last and only.

Advertisements

What is happening recently in HK…

I don’t want to add my view on it. I just want the readers to know more about what is happening in Hong Kong. So I gathered some news coverage from different media in the world, you may follow those media for more update in the future. Personally, I recommend you to follow the coverage of Hong Kong Free Press.  It is non-profit, English-language press, run by journalists and backed by readers.  It starts during the Umbrella Movement in 2014, because we only have 1 English-language press in HK (may have been influence by red investors). They have full coverage on the social movement in Hong Kong since.

Video: Stunning drone footage captures the crowds and tear gas of Hong Kong’s dramatic week of protest, post by Hong Kong Free Press, June 18, 2019

Photo by BlackSheep

Photo on “No To China Extradition Law” Protest on June 17, 2019. Screenshot from drone video done by Team Blacksheep, posted on Hong Kong Free Press on June 18, 2019

We protest and occupy in an orderly, peaceful and massive way. It will continue until the government answers.

More image & coverage after the protest:

South China Morning Post (SCMP), HK – HK’s massive protest from the SCMP photo desk, June 17, 2019

BBC News, UK – HK Protest: “Nearly two million join demonstration”, June 17, 2019

BBC News, UK – HK extradition: How radical youth forced the government’s hand, June 17, 2019

CNN, USA – HK Protesters face a powerful enemy, June 17, 2019

The Guardian, USA – The Guardian view on HK’s crisis: the people have spoken, June 17, 2019

Deutsche Welle (DW – English), Germany – HK Protests: “We are fighting against a dictatorship”, June 17, 2019

Deutsche Welle (DW – Deutsche), Germany – Hongkong: Aktivist Wong fordert Rücktritt von Regierungschefin Carrie Lam, Juni 17, 2019

Reuters – China stands by HK leader after days of Street protests, June 17, 2019

Hongkongais.com (French) – Un projet de loi autorisant les extraditions vers la Chine, June 12, 2019

ARTE, France (French) – Le petite Hong-Kong peut-elle résister au géant chinois? , June 13, 2019

NHK World, Japan – Demonstration in HK winding up, June 17, 2019

Nikkei News, Japan – Xi’s HK headache darkens chief Lam’s future, June 17, 2019

Nippon Television Network (Japanese), Japan – Hong Kong Demonstration Citizens Call for Resignation of Chief Executive, June 17, 2019

Weekendavisen, Denmark – Hongkong på kogepunktet, June 14, 2019

About the Extradition Bill:

HK extradition law: the current process and what will change under the proposed bill, post by SCMP, June 7, 2019

In memory of Mr. “Raincoat Man”, whom was dead trying for the cause. Post about Mr. Raincoat Man by South China Morning Post.

Back to blog…

Not blog much lately, just realized my last post is in last Sep!!! O my…

After all those scandals with FB n when everyone talking how mich of ourselves we had given out volunteerly, it’s time to cut down my appearence in other social media accountssssss.. Yeah, I hv quite a lot…

Back to blogging, a rather quiet regime, simple n direct.

Is there an OCD on Notification?!

if yes, then i think i’m one!

smartphone (suddenly found this term so OLD SCHOOL! lol… ) is most of my life.  my work, news, friends, communication, entertainment… (not bank! i still hesitate on apps / online banking or payment) are all in this 5″1 screen cell.  It is super convenience to live with it.

BUT!

i have an issue. i can’t stand with that little somewhat adorable colourful ball with a little number in it, called it the “Ball”! Whenever this ball appeared, it’s notified one that there is a number of unread news in the apps that need to be checked.  emails, g+, fb, tweet, ig, apps updates, news, msgs, etc.  These balls drives me crazy!

Gz7Zk1ZUH8CPfRemymVvSg

copy from google search

i feel the same when i turn on my laptop’s outlook, or twitter on Chrome, anywhere with a ( No. ) or bold number in it! its like someone keeps nagging that i have a series of unfinished business.

Untitled

my Chrome browsers, keep (93) only for this post!!!! i keep looking at it every few mins…

i am not sure when do i started to feel irritated by that (it probably be way before there is fb / smartphone). all i know is i can’t help but to get rip of them! ALL OF THEM! i call it “Kill the Ball!”

whenever i have a new app / phone, i will try to turn off the notification as many as i can, coz i will check everything frequently anyway.  this is my ritual first thing in every morning (actually, whenever the ball appears) for those still shown. then i can move on to my daily work.

i found myself sitting in front of my computer for hours just to “mark as read” / “delete” the unread emails from my backup gmail account after a week-long business trip in China.

the itch also extend to my friends’ cells or others’ computer. i once saw my friend has 100,000+ in her email apps and some dozens of notification in her fb / other apps, i practically shouted at her “how could you let this happen!?” (like she has ruined my phone! sorry, dear!) she told me those are her backup emails + junk mails from all those subscriptions.  it’s been piled up ever since she has that email, doesn’t have time and doesn’t bother to deal with them. Now they are too many, so just let them be.  i found myself want to reach her phone and kill them all for good. of coz, she screen lock her phone and avoid any unfortunate happen.

i tried to ignore this itch for couple of days, found myself checking my phone in every couple of mins.  eventually, i gave in and hated myself more because i had to spend more time to kill them all!

i wouldn’t say it disturbed my life but feel unease without that.  is that still an obsession?!

 

LP Chester Bennington 1976-2017

Chester Bennington

Profile Picture of #LinkinPark fb page.

Haven’t written a post for a long time. Honestly, never thought I would write this.

Chester Bennington, 41, vocal of Linkin Park, hang himself at home.

Checked my fb first thing in every morning, usually get news like bombing somewhere, other BS from dump US president or another mess up law sues from HK govt against our citizens. Never thought of my favourite singer vanished like this.

I followed LP since my first job, Hybrid Theory, it’s been 15 years now, still Crawling in my mind. LP, along with Marilyn Manson, White Stripes, Evanescence, are my all-time overtime work favourite, boosted me up for those lonely frustrating endless nights.

Remembered I was so excited for LP’s first HK Live, practically dragged my friends to go with me. It was fantastic, just like standing in the studio with them. They are a very hard working band, touring around the world nearly every year. They performance in HK every 1 or 2 years. I glad that I attended 2 of them, at least, one thing less to regret. It’s delightful to hear Chester’s voice in the movies, all gone now.

I spent whole morning looping LP videos and songs in my iTune and Youtube, search for a hint of his choice of passing in between the lyrics. Failed, of cause. In their latest album “One More Light”, though, song titles seem to tell something about it, Battle Symphony > Talking to Myself (the official video release hours before his suicide news out) > Nobody Can Save Me > Good Goodbye…

It’s difficult to LP fans, can’t imagine how devastated it is for his family. As a not-so-hard-core fan, I took it unexpectedly hard. Suicide, always my deepest fear of the love ones would have chosen. Would never sees its coming, crashes you from no where, then leaves you with nothing but a hollow soul.

Instead of RIP to Chester, I would rather say Live in Peace to his family and friends. Hope those loved him, supporting the family through this tragic time.

Change

it’s been a long time since my last post. I found it difficult to write, being trapped by my job for months, seeing the Brexit, Donald Trump got elected as US’s President, elected pan democratic LegCo members got JR then disqaulified brutally by our own government… all the seemingly nonsense now became the sense.  the trembling future has begun and no one knows what’s next or dare to predict.  i just hope the meme i read wouldn’t be true:

“New York, London and HK as the closest brothers, though we are unable to born at the same year, but we shall die at the same year.”